Have a question? Email it! I am Lauren @ defyauthority.net! Ask me on Twitter; @LikesGoyBoys
People wonder how I pull off some of the stuff I do; I’ve been called a ninja and a lover of red tape. I don’t take ‘no’ for an answer without understanding why the answer is no. This makes me the bane of bureaucracy and The Almighty Cringe-Bringer for many PR people, especially at big events. This ain’t how your college internship taught you how to do business, but it’s how I do business, and I am having a really great time.
This is going to break a few things down so I don’t have to repeat myself; I mainly enjoy when I get to tell other people’s stories, but there ought to be a repository for my own methods of chaos, mayhem, and unadulterated fun. I’m here, you’re here, we’re all here. These are the inaugural questions from Twitter, email, 5am phone calls, whatever. Enjoy. New questions will go to the front of the line because they’re VIP or something.
Q: Best advice you’ve been given on tour?
A: Absolutely. “You gotta find a dude while he’s young, right, and you lure him into the back lounge. It’s important that he’s young because he’s still amazed that he’s actually having real sex that he isn’t going to go straight for the ass. If you don’t get them then, all they want is your money, anal sex and credentials. AAA does not stand for ‘all access anal’. Okay?” – I won’t name that guy, but he’s on the money with that right there. Real talk.
Q: How do you meet people?
A: I bug them until they tell me when and where we’re hanging out, yell at them on Twitter, email them directly if I can’t email their handler, I use all those tactics people use on FaceBook concerning the one that got away, I will totally find whosoever I’m looking for. I may or may not ask a mutual friend for a hook-up, I’ve hooked people up and that’s my reward. What are you afraid of, selling more merch or records? That should be your goal! I’m fun, I also answer to FiFi Blowtorch. FiFi is military jargon for ‘fuck it, fly it‘, a common entertainment industry tactic. Would you like to see how that works? OK!
That amp is fucked? Too bad! Fuck it, fly it, we’re using it!
Q: How does [redacted's] wife or girlfriend deal with you being around?
A: If I’m rallying really hard for somebody’s work, I probably like their wife better than I like them, everybody gets along fine. It’s made pretty clear early in the game that I’m female and my interest is purely professional, so if I text or email somebody’s man at 4am, it’s not a booty call, it’s either really great news or really shitty news. As Josh Bradford would intimate, if you work with me, chances are we’re all mentally deviant in the same way, and that’s really cool. I’ve made 3 or 4 of my greatest lady-friends by working with their men, there’s mutual respect, it’s a clinically proven fact that women who handle their male counter-part going on tour happen to be some of the planet’s strongest, coolest creatures.
Q: How do you keep secrets?
A: Yeah, those happen. Thing is, I like keeping my head. That’s how. I have morals, I just don’t wipe noses or asses unless I’m being paid accordingly to do so, and don’t think I’m going to sleep with you because you have a gold record. I’m a pain in the ass, not a star-fucker. There’s a difference.
Q: Do you live in fear of not being misunderstood?
A: No. I like being turned down because then it’s a challenge. I don’t do drugs or much of anything wild these days, so I get off on adrenaline. Being misunderstood is a different ball-gown than being turned down; being misunderstood is an indicator that I fucked up and my perspective is a bit borked. Why would I create a FAQ if I didn’t want to be understood? Yes, I’m currently confronting you. Come fight me, my stats are 4’11″ and 90 pounds of pure fucking fury. I’d put money on me.
